she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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