Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the day after is always just damage control
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
