i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
