o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
