no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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