so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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