i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
