problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize