my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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