so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My feet surprised me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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