You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
