So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize