I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
