did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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