I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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