so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
