just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
