He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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