Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
