I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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