I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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