Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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