By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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