Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
