That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
