cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
