what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize