sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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