the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
