I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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