im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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