tequila makes me forget i have legs
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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