Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
