party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
