Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
