His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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