we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
