I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
