I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
