shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
