I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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