So drunk its hurt
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
