So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
