Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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