he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
