OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
