The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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