Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
