He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
