Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
