The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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