Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
