garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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