apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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