He had one of those small greek statue penises
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
