$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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