Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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