It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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