roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
