So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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