I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
