he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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