well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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