Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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