I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
