did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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