Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
