Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
