I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize