plz talk dirty to me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
