I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
