I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
