Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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