the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You pole danced in your parka.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
